I first flew with my son when he was nearly 20 months old. I imagined it would be the perfect introductory flight: a mere 45-minutes from Dallas to Houston with family waiting on the other side. My husband stayed behind. Because, you know, how bad could a 45-minute flight be?
Well that perfect 45-minute flight was redirected twice, once in mid-air, spilled over into dinnertime, came perilously close to bedtime, and finally ended two and a half hours later. I guess that’s just how things work when you’re traveling with your kiddo for the first time and you’re doing it solo. So maybe the first lesson is: nothing will go as planned.
But we survived and you will, too. I’ve since traveled numerous times with my toddler, including a 10.5-hour transatlantic flight, and we are still alive and thriving.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way.
- Know the check-in requirements for your airline.
If your toddler is under two years of age and flying in your lap, Southwest requires you to check in with an agent – not at a kiosk or online – who will ask to see the child’s birth certificate. Other passengers will try to convince you that you can use the kiosk. You can’t.
Unless you’re flying American Airlines. There, you can get your ticket from the kiosk, or early check-in, and if it states “plus infant” you’re good to go. For some reason, I can’t remember how it worked on Spirit. But I do remember thinking they had the most compassionate flight attendants. This is immensely helpful and there is no substitute for it!
- Pack light.
And as hands-free as possible. I like to use my Thule backpack, which is easy to carry on. (See me pack it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aruUDZa7gh0.) I also let my little one pull his own miniature suitcase filled with airplane fun because he gets a kick out of it and so does everyone else. (I have to admit, it is pretty adorable, and I like to think it warms people up to the little guy just in case his airplane behavior is less than admirable once we’re on board….)
Packing light makes it easier to maneuver airplane aisles, stow bags, and hold a tired/sleeping/crying toddler. I pack a stash of essentials including diapers and wipes, and remind myself that I can pick up more of those things at my destination if necessary.
- Bring and create distractions. LOTS of distractions!
Establish an entertainment arsenal commensurate with your child’s attention span. For younger toddlers, this may mean you have to be resourceful. Think straws and cups and seatback-pocket literature…super exciting stuff. My kid had the most fun pouring a (very small) cup of water into another cup. Delightful. Just be sure to pack a hand towel!
- You are your own worst critic.
I realized that I’m so affected by potentially disapproving passengers because I imagine they’re leveling the same judgments against me as I have against myself.
Maybe traveling with my child wasn’t such a good idea. What if he doesn’t adjust to the new time zone? Is this airplane ride hurting his ears? He is probably suffering in silence from some non-obvious form of motion sickness. How can I possibly entertain him for this long? Could this be considered child-abuse? He must be bored and understimulated and overstimulated. At the same time. Is he showing symptoms of having contracted the Black Plague?
And so it goes. You probably know the drill. Guilting ourselves is one of the things we mothers do best! This is often amplified when we attempt something less conventional or out-of-the-norm, like travel.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself (or others).
One trip, you will witness a kid stomp on his parents’ feet, drop to the airport floor for a good wallow, then barf up his ‘nilla wafers as the plane prepares for takeoff. Next time, that kid will be yours. So, don’t spend too much time congratulating yourself on your rockstar parenting abilities, or convinced that you really shouldn’t be traveling with your child and should instead turn in your parent card for the good of all children everywhere. Kids are going to behave this way at some point regardless of where you are. Be prepared.
- Other mothers are a godsend.
Thank you, mothers of the world, for catching my child’s restless, wandering eye and providing a few precious moments of entertainment and relief on a long flight, for pretending not to notice the little feet kicking at the back of your seat despite my best efforts to contain them, for offering to hold my child/bag/child’s bag as I struggle to wedge it all into a bathroom stall to pee, for picking up my child’s soggy blanket off the bathroom floor, for sharing in this special sisterhood whether in travel or not. Just, thank you. Know that I pay it forward!
- There will be poop.
So bring deodorized bags. (And diapers and wipes and a change of clothes and that trusty hand towel.) That is all.
- In all likelihood, you will do it again.
You may even WANT to do it again. Kind of like wanting another baby. The shit and the suffering fade with time. You realize – maybe after the trip is over and everyone has caught up on their sleep, regained their bearings, and recovered from the trauma of travel – that traveling together is fun. That you strengthened a special bond with your child and maybe even created a memory or two.
And isn’t that what really matters in the end?